


i think of you

by jupitcrs



Category: Gay baby gang, The Misfits - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Death, Fluff, M/M, iNuckles, some kritz if you squint hard enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 14:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16243427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupitcrs/pseuds/jupitcrs
Summary: matt thinks about mason a lot more than he wish he did.





	i think of you

_every time the clock strikes twelve, i think of you._

 

new year’s eve had been a blast. despite matt’s foggy memories of the night, he held the holiday near and dear to his heart. the party had been wild, there were too many drinks involved, and most of the people had ended up far higher than they should have been.

but the best part was midnight.

everyone was counting down, quickly pairing up. there were a few awkward people standing on the sides, such as his friend cam- which didn’t last long, after mason pushed john into his chest. matt, however, had also been one of those few awkward people.

of course, until mason gazed around the last few people standing and connected eyes with him. that was when he grinned and walked over, drunkenly wrapping his arms around matt’s neck. their eyes met and matt raised an eyebrow, “mason, bud, you alright?”

“i’m fine,” the younger grinned, fingers running up through his hair. “there’s ten seconds ‘til midnight, matt.”

“yeah, you should go find someone you wanna kiss before it’s too late,” matt suggested, softly patting his back. mason laughed,

“i already have.”

“wh-” matt’s eyebrows furrowed, “what?”

before mason could reply, the clock struck twelve. screams came from those who weren’t being kissed as mason wrapped his fingers around matt’s collar, pulling his face to his. their lips met softly, matt’s hand moving to rest on mason’s neck. the kiss lingered for longer than it should have, mason’s fingers curling around matt’s hair.

when they parted, they parted slowly, eyes meeting again. matt let out a breath, heart heavy in his chest, the feeling of mason’s lips still ghosting his. matt wasn’t sure how mason was feeling about the kiss, but as he gazed into those soft blue eyes, he knew how he had personally felt.

and he knew it meant far more than it should have.

but matt let his eyes flicker back down to mason’s lips, the lips that had just been against his, moments earlier. and suddenly mason was tugging at his collar again, pressing their lips together firmly. he tasted like alcohol, like the strawberries he’d been snacking on all night.

they parted once more and mason grinned, kissing matt’s cheek. “you’re a good kisser.”

and then he was off, slipping back into the crowd, leaving a flustered matt to stand in silence.

_every time i see the stars, i think of you._

 

their first date was more cliché than either of them would actually admit to.

it was a picnic dinner, underneath the stars in the middle of a field, a forest beginning to their left and flowers surrounding them.

their night had passed by smoothly, and it was around eleven when matt laid down to look at the sky.

“do you like space?”

mason turned to look at matt, cocking an eyebrow and smiling. “of course i like space, what cunt doesn’t like space?”

“people who are afraid of space, probably,” matt chuckled, offering a shrug. “i don’t know.”

“why do you ask?”

“cause, i mean.. look at it,” matt said, gesturing up towards the sky. “look at all the.. all the stars. everything is just.. sitting there, lightyears away from us.”

mason nodded, shifting slightly to lean against matt, their shoulders touching. “you think we’re ever mistaken for a star?” he asked, eyes focused on the sky. “like… i’m sure one of those stars is actually a planet, but i don’t know enough about the sky to know which one that is. so are we a star in someone else’s sky, even if we’re just a planet?”

“maybe,” matt hummed, turning his head. he let his gaze linger on the boy beside him, who was still staring at the stars. “…you’re kinda like,  _my_  star, y’know?”

“ _your_  star?” mason turned his head, lips quirking into a semi-grin, interest clearly piqued. “no, i don’t know. tell me.”

“i meant, like.. i don’t know. you’re not a star, right? at least, you aren’t to most people?”

“a star with an extra chromosome, maybe.”

matt laughed, shaking his head and glancing away. “that’s not- not what i was trying to say. i’m not trying to make fun of you, here.”

“alright, i’m listening.” mason leaned forward to look at matt again, who simply raised an eyebrow. the younger put his hands up, “i am! i’m listening, i swear.”

“good. so, anyways.. i was just trying to say.. you may not be a star to, uh.. to most people. you may just be a planet, and a lot of people might see you as that.” matt chewed on his lower lip, pulling the grass out of the dirt subconsciously, stopping his actions when he realized what he was doing. “but i- i see you as the star, you know?

“you’re- you’re bright, and funny, and you make my life a lot better,” matt confessed. “i have these really shitty days sometimes and- and on the worst days not even you can help but you can  _always_  make me smile. even on the worst days. and that’s.. that’s so meaningful to me, y’know?”

he lifted his gaze to rest it on mason again, who had a dorky smile on his lips. the younger shook his head, “that was the grossest, cheesiest and most awkwardly worded confession i’ve ever heard anyone say.” matt laughed at his words, glancing away again. mason was quick to rest his hand against his cheek, turning his face to look at him, “but i loved it.”

mason leaned in slowly, capturing matt’s lips with ease. the older was quick to return it, resting one of his hands on the nape of mason’s neck, smiling into the kiss. it was tender, a caring kiss that had both of them feeling loved. mason swept his thumb over matt’s cheekbone, smiling at him when they parted.

“i like you,” mason confessed, leaning over to grab matt’s hand. “i like you a lot, matt.”

“i like you, too,” matt murmured, squeezing mason’s hand. “i really do.”

“good,” mason smiled, glancing at the sky again. “matt?”

“yeah?”

“will you be my boyfriend?”

“of course.”

matt held onto mason for the rest of the night.

 

_every time i enter a forest, i think of you._

 

their camping trip was supposed to go well. sure, none of the boys expected it to go without any problems, as problems were all they seemed to run into when they were all together. 

but nobody expected that.

matt and mason had ventured off to the stream, to look at the water and explore the campsite. it was getting late, the evening air growing chilly around the couple. their fingers were locked tightly together, mason swinging their hands as they walked around.

“you cold?” matt asked, observing mason carefully. the younger shook his head,

“nah. you?” mason turned, looking at his boyfriend. matt shrugged,

“not really. let me give you my jacket. c’mon. let’s be a cute, cliche couple.”

“no. you can take my jacket,” mason murmured, already taking his jacket off. matt frowned,

“i don’t need it.”

“well, too bad, you’re getting it anyways.” mason leaned over to drape the jacket around matt’s shoulders, smiling when the older’s cheeks turned a bit pink. “for a cheeky fuck like you, you look kinda cute.”

“mm, i really appreciate the compliment, babe,” matt chuckled, immediately reaching for mason’s hand again. the younger said nothing, just smiled as he took his hand.

after a while they turned around, starting to head back to the campsite. both of them were looking forward to the warmth of the fire and the comfort of their friends. when they were nearly there, mason stumbled, coughing into his arm. matt paused, turning to look at him.

“hey, what’s wrong? you okay?” he frowned, resting his hand on the other’s shoulder, eyes bleeding concern. mason pulled his arm away from his mouth, slowly frowning. “mason? what is it?”

he leaned over slightly to look at mason’s arm, worry amplifying tenfold as he gazed at the crimson spots scattered among mason’s arm. “matt?”

“yeah?”

“i don’t feel good,” mason whispered, stumbling again. matt was quick to catch him, fear pooling in his chest as mason weakly clutched at his shoulders. “fuck. fuck, matt.”

“you’re okay, babe,” matt comforted him, helping him stable himself again. “you’re alright, okay?” 

he paused, placing a shaky kiss to mason’s forehead. “can you walk?”

“i don’t.. i don’t know,” mason shrugged, curling his fingers around matt’s hoodie. “i don’t think so.”

“that’s okay,” matt hummed, “i’ll carry you.”

carefully, matt swept the boy off of his feet, carrying him bridal style. he comforted him on the way back to the campsite. when he got there, he put mason down softly, spewing an explanation of what had happened so quickly that none of the boys could understand him.

when mason coughed up more blood, they were quick to call 911.

the clock turned 12 as matt sat in the back of swagger’s car, following the ambulance to the hospital.

 

_every time i see a lotus flower, i think of you._

 

they were the first thing everyone noticed when they walked into mason’s room.

the lotus flowers, bright and colorful, right outside the window.

mason was always the second.

he always looked so cheerful in his bed, his uncertain state of living never seeming to bother of him. the doctors who were always in and out of his room never bothered him. nothing ever bothered him.

at least, that’s what everyone thought. 

everyone except for a few.

all of the boys watched mason break down at least once. but matt was there for it all. he held mason as he sobbed at 3 am more times than he could count. it took everything in his power not to break into tears, too.

but he did. more times than he could count.

and every time, mason would apologize.  _“i’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to cry, i’m not worth crying over.”_

and every time, matt would wipe mason’s tears.  _“you are worth crying over. you are worth everything.”_

over the course of a year, matt watched mason break.

and mason watched matt break, too.

 

_every time i see the color yellow, i think of you._

 

yellow was the last color matt saw mason wear.

yellow was the color of the sweater matt had bought mason for his birthday. it was the sweater that mason wore one day, during one of his stays away from the hospital. it was the sweater that mason kissed matt for the last time in, it was the sweater that mason told matt he loved him for the last time in.

it was the sweater that mason died in.

and when matt woke up that morning, yellow suddenly became his least favorite color.

because after that day, he saw mason in every splash of yellow he saw.

 

_every time i see a willow tree, i think of you._

 

mason was buried not long after his death.

there weren’t a crazy amount of people at the funeral. his friends, his family. and matt.

matt had to read a speech.

so at mason’s funeral, he spoke of mason in the past tense. he stood underneath a willow tree and talked about how in love with mason he was. he talked about how, despite the coldness of others, mason was warm. he talked about how, despite the negativity that seemed to be predetermined for his future, mason remained positive.

he talked about how he managed to see through all of matt’s flaws, and love him anyways.

at the end of his speech, he stepped out from underneath the willow tree. he threw a handful of dirt into the hole in the earth, and he stared at the willow tree. tears welled up in his eyes, and the willow tree grew blurry.

but he couldn’t bear to look down at where his boyfriend was residing.

so he just stared at the old willow tree.

_every time i think of you, i write to you._

 

it had been months since mason’s passing.

matt wrote to him once a week.

with a sigh, the boy put his pencil down, gazing at the slip of paper in front of him. he’d have to go to the cemetery, where he’d have to see mason’s tombstone again. he’d have to say hello again, he’d have to say i love you again, he’d to have to say goodbye again.

and he’d never get a response.

slowly, he stood from his seat, folding the piece of paper. he put it into his pocket, as well as his pencil. then he turned around and left his apartment, making sure to lock the door behind him.

 

_every time i see you again, it hurts more._

 

matt sat down without a word, leaning against the tombstone as silent tears trailed down his face. he took the paper out of his pocket, grabbing his pencil as well. he sighed as his tears wet the paper.

“hi, mason. i miss you.”

the words were broken, heavy and weighed down by sadness. there was nobody he longed to have back at his side as much as he longed for mason. the fact that he’d never have him back again hurt more and more every day.

quietly, he began to write.

_every time i visit you, i cry._

_every time i leave a letter, i go back home even emptier._

_every time i go back home, i think of you._

_every time i think of you, i think of you more._

_every time i think of you, i think of you again, and again, and again, and again._

matt’s sobs were silent, but they were, body shaking as he wrote.

_every time i think of you, i love you still._

_i will always love you._

_every time the clock strikes 12, i love you._

_every time i see the stars, i love you._

_every time i enter a forest, i love you._

_every time i see a lotus flower, i love you._

_every time i see the color yellow, i love you._

_every time i see a willow tree, i love you._

_every time i write to you, i love you._

he put the pencil down for a moment, shutting his eyes as more tears fell.

matt let his hands fall down and touch the earth, let his fingers curl around dying grass, let them rip it out of the ground.

he let the same hands fall back onto his head, let his fingers curl around his hair, let them tug at it as he cried.

and then he stopped, and he grabbed his pencil again. he wrote the last sentence down quickly, then carefully folded the letter back up. he put it on top of the grave, resting it against the tombstone.

then he stood up and brushed his pants off, putting his pencil back into his pocket. “i love you, mason.”

he let his gaze linger before he walked away.

_every time i say goodbye, i love you._

_and every time i say goodbye, i think of you._


End file.
